family

I just read the most heartfelt blog ever..written by my sister-in-law about my niece, whose birthday it is today.Amazing. Anyway, I am not as great of a writer but let me tell you, family is wonderful. It may be stressful and tiring at times but well worth it all.
Alex: Oh sweet Alex..he is a completely different child when he is by himself then with his sisters but it makes him Alex...overabundance of energy but so sweet. In everything he does, he means the very best. Sometimes he even shows his emotional side when his niece knocks over his brick tower..he cried...he will learn that all he has to do is rebuild another masterpiece and move on..He is the best cuddler in the world! Favorite thing about him is when he sneaks kisses on my cheek or wants a hug from him mommy (of all people). He likes to collect baseball cards and play Wii games, particularly Monster Jam. Thats my boy!!
Arielle...my Arie...who at this moment is crying for some reason. Apparently her nose met the entertainment center...Not a good meeting. She is good at brushing it off and moving on to a new solid object to bump into...she wants to do and be just like her big brother. Adorable..monkey see, monkey do. She is three going on 21. I call her my little diva...she likes to sing along to High School Musical II..thinks that Troy is her boyfriend (look out Vanessa Hudgens). She likes to play Wii games with her brother and try every trick he does.
And baby Bree...my Aubree...She will be one soon. Went by fast...but not as fast as the first year of the other two. Probably because of the complete rollercoaster of 2008. The year was crazy with her birth, the problems with me and Marc, my loss of work etc...but she brightens my day and gets me through it all. The simplicity of childhood is amazing and just a simple smile makes me realize what is truly important in life. Yes, having a career where I can truly be acknowledged for being me and not put down because of my beliefs of everyone being treated equal and doing their jobs. There should never be an exception to that, no matter what anyone says. But enough about that.......children are like medicine...They make the booboos all better...Whether is be just a kiss on the cheek, a hug or even a simple smile. My A-team is the best!! I love them with every part of my being.

Chapped lips

Ok, so I know that part of living in Wisconsin is the cold weather and the snow. However, I don't recall anybody warning me the dangers of having a three year old who loves makeup and will steal every one of my chapsticks so that my lips are continually chapped. Ok, so people might say that chapped lips is from dehydration but I don't think so. I think its payback for having a diva for a daughter....

Anyway, so Bree will be one in less than two weeks. Crazy...I remember being pregnant with her and the not so much fun times with that. Having a birthday party for her as well but reading my sister-in-laws blog, I am not sure sure I want to do that. I can't lock myself in a room with cake and wine..there are no locks on the doors!! OH NO!!

Long time!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry everyone. Bree is now almost 5 months old. Its been a long time! Having three kids is a lot to handle and I kind of forgot to post. Anyway, Alex is now finished with first grade. He has matured a lot since he started school. His handwriting is his specialty. He gets awarded for that quite often. He also loved gym and of course recess. This summer he is hanging out mostly with Grandpa and Grandma Fensin with his sister and will spend time at the library and swimming as much as possible. He will be seven in August. Still strange that I have a seven year old child! Crazy!! Arie is my demon child. Love her to pieces but she is the terrible two/princess poster child. She can make anybody smile with those huge puppy dog eyes!! She will be three in August. Again, so strange that she is three already. ANd my little Bree Bree...next week she will be 5 months. She holds her head really well...sometimes a little too weeble wobbly but thats okay. She just started eating oatmeal too which I don't think she likes. I might just start her on fruits and veggies and mix it with oatmeal..she might like it better that way. Anyway, the kids all get along for the most part...Arie tends to be a tattle tale and over dramatic but thats okay. My little zoo is doing quite well.

almost 11 weeks

Aubree is almost 11 weeks old now and she is a bit fussy (has had some colds and changes in meds and formula's) but thats part of the package deal with a newborn so its okay. Alex and Arie are adjusting the best they can. I keep trying to assure them that by summer, she will be more playful and they will get much more pleasure out of their new baby sister. (who, by the way, is lying on my bed starring at me as I type this). She has a couple nic-names already....Bree...bree bree...fuzz-nugget...fussy-gussy.....snuffalupagus...ms piggy......anyway, all is well and hopefully I won't wait two months before writing updates

week of feb 11

Well, my mom just left..she has been such a great support for me...having baby blues again is so frustrating....as my doctor says, I just want my "vacation"....fight or flight as Marc calls it......I just want to get away...I get anxiety attacks and my mind goes a little nutty but a little medicine goes a long way...hopefully I will be able to focus better soon. Bree is a pretty good baby...its just the stress of having three right now...once I get back into a routine again though, all will be much better...at least it was when I had this with Arie....I talked to Arie's daycare lady about the transition when the baby comes.....since I get 8 weeks off instead of just 6, I will use those two weeks as a transition.....Bree will start then and slowly I will take Arie away and have her go to my mom's so she gets used to it. Hopefully she won't freak too much! She LOVES it at daycare but I can't afford two kids. I wish I didn't have to take either of them to daycare but i would have to make a little more than just one of my monthly paychecks in order to live and there isn't a way right now for us to do that so...have to go back to work..
anyway, our latest challenge is the kids are waking up in the middle of the night. Arie is so stubborn (no idea where she gets it from..heehee) and doesn't listen..i think she knows that if we are doing something with the baby we don't have an extra hand so she'll refuse to do something knowing we have to figure out how to do it ourselves....hopefully once I go back to work and get the normal routine down for her too, she will mellow out more....
I plan on venturing out to visit people at work this week so that should be fun....and we have the brace fiting for her this week also so I will have a chance to take her out again.....three weeks old this thursday!!

Week 2

Well, Aubree has now realized the greatness of warmth and being held, so now she wants to be held ALL the time...put her down and she lasts twenty minutes at most...no matter how much she is snuggles, swaddled....doesn't matter...Guess some doctors are right that the first three months are kind of like the fourth trimester in that the mothers hormones are still nutty and the baby still needs the constant warmth and closeness just like in the womb. Thats okay...my arms just get tired sometimes....This Friday, weather permitting of course, I might venture out in the world with the baby alone..we will see....hmm....should be interesting. My mom has been with me since I came home and Marc went back to work. I have the baby blues/post pardum issues again like I did with Arie but hopefully, in a month or so, I will be better. I just have to learn to relax, take it day by day, and know that infancy doesn't last forever and my raging hormones will subside soon as well.
Anyway, Alex and Arie are adjusting. As long as they get adequate attention, they are good. Arie has more breakdowns lately and Alex needs more cuddle time but thats okay with me! Anyway, I put Aubree on the bed so I could write this and she is starting to complain that she isn't being held so.....until next time...

Aubree's Arrival

Well, the arrival of Aubree Simone didn't happen as planned. My OB thought that since I was taking so many asthma medications throughout the pregnancy that the chances of Aubree being a large baby was very high. So, the OB schedule for me to be induced on Tuesday, January 15, 2008. I went in the hospital at 7am and the pitocin started around 8:30. Throughout the day, I would laugh and play games with either Marc or my mom....trivial pursuit is fun during contractions! But the few times I was checked there was no further progression with the dialation and the contractions didn't really bug me at all. Uncomfortable but nothing I couldn't breathe through. Finally, after 12 hours, the OB came in and said that I had to make a decision. Either she could try to break my water which then would make me committed to having a baby in 24 hours but I might have to have a c-section if she doesn't come on her own or I could go home and we could try again the following week. After a lot of tears from sadness, frustration etc, Marc and I decided to stop the induction and go home. No sense in forcing her out if she isn't ready....or so we thought....
The following Wednesday, the 23rd, I checked in the birthing center at the hospital at 7pm. They started with a gel I believe its called PG but its supposed to soften the cervix. I was told to be as comfortable as possible throughout the night. At 2am, the OB on call and my nurse came in and explained that something was wrong with the baby's heartbeat and that instead of getting two doses of the gel, I would only get one since the baby didn't seem to react to it well. So I had to wait until the morning to start pitocin again. At at 9am the pitocin began and again, no change. My water was broken to see if that would make things go faster and then I was committed to delivery in the next 24 hours. Eventually I got an epidural as the contractions were getting stronger but after about 2 hours, I could feel strong contractions as if the epidural wasn't working. Around the same time, the nurse was in communication with my OB as the baby's heartbeat was again low and going from about the 140's to the 60's during contractions. The nurse and the OB, communicating via telephone as the OB was still doing regular doc visits at her office, thought that maybe the cord was around the baby's neck or that the baby was squeezing the cord or something so they gave me some more fluid (on top of the bags of pitocin, the penicilin for the g strep that I was positive for, plus I had asthma meds and regular fluids as well)...some amniotic flush or something like that.....that seemed to work for a couple contractions but overall, it didn't. I also got another epidural as it turned out the first one fell out. At the end of the second epidural being put in, I almost had a vesa vegas (sp?) reaction and passed out.. Good thing Marc was right in front of me and calmed me down so I would stay alert. Around 6:30 or so the OB came in and said that we have to do a c-section because the heartbeat was worrisome and nothing was happening. I agreed.....The said only one person could be in the room with me. I knew my mom was upset but I wanted only Marc in there with me for support. Afterall, he is the daddy. I was rushed into the operating room and I remember people around me, someone said "its down to 50"...not sure if they meant the heartbeat or what.....I was scared!!!!! I got in the operating room and got a lot of pain meds, the moved me from one bed to the other, my arms were laid open one on each side and the drape was placed over me so I couldn't see what they were doing. I asked Marc not to tell me....I could feel them shaving me (sorry for being graphic) and I could feel light touching but thats it. It was strange...nurses and the anesthesiologist were talking about the packer bikini girls being in maxim magazine and that I should name the baby "dave" since that was the anesthesiologists name. I was so tired....ALl of a sudden the baby came out. I remember not hearing her cry right away and I got scared but I guess they were suctioning her, I saw them bring her over under the lamps and I heard her first cry. She was tiny. Not large at all!!!Her feet were so little!! So adorable. wrapped her up and Marc got to hold her and I got to see her. She was so beautiful. I asked if I could go to sleep and the anesthesiologist said as long as I am breathing he didn't care....I don't remember much else other than waiting a few minutes and then being put on a different bed again and wheeled into the recovery room. THey put this inflatable heating blanket on me as my temperature was low. It was weird..it was a full body suit. Then I had to wear these leg things that inflated every 30 seconds or so since due to all the fluids my feet and ankles were swelling like crazy. I got some visitors....alex, arie, and the grandparents..apparently, the kids were more interested in watch the nurses give Aubree a bath then visiting me..thats okay though....they were so excited to see her!! I was told at sometime during this eventful night that I would have had to have a c-section anyway. Apparently, with my contractions, my uterus shaped itself into a hourglass type shape causing the top to contract but the middle to not so Aubree was basically stuck and couldn't move at all no matter what medications the doctors and nurses wanted to give me...scary since I had two other kids just fine but aparently its rare. I can't remember what its called....something "belt" I think..something to do with the muscles contracting or something...I don't know...It was kind of a relief to know that I was not really rushing things and forcing something necessarily and that I was going to have a c-section anyway....
The rest of the evening is kind of a blur. People in my room and they brought the baby in but other than that, I don't really remember..I was exhausted. I was planning on breastfeeding this baby but the pain was horrible and I couldn't move..but I was okay with it. but the pain....thank goodness for morphine....the next 24 hours was painful but they had to teach me how to get out of bed and do things without using my abdominal muscles too much. Everything you do involves them..sneezing, sitting, standing, laughing, coughing etc...its horrible....Anyway, it was tough but I got through it. The second night I asked for help getting out of bed and I was told that after 24 hours I should be able to do it on my own so I was forced to do it myself. It was okay though. I did it twice actually without help. It hurt but I did it! Since I didn't have a cathetor anymore, I had to get up out of bed! I also got my IV out and got to have pill pain meds instead of IV pain meds which was nice because they were stronger for me. Alex and Arie visited a lot and they wanted to hold Bree a lot which was nice. I was told on Saturday night that I had to leave by 3pm Sunday so we left at 2pm. It was actually hard to leave as I don't do well with pain and having three kids I knew was going to be a challenge but Alex and Arie are great kids and Marc is being very supportive and a great father so it helps. Unfortunatly, I started having PPD and baby blues problems again, just like after I had Arie, but I have meds and hopefully they will help. Bree is a good baby for the most part and I just have to think, spring will be soon and after about a month or two, I will be better....crossing my fingers anyway....